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Note on the English Translation: The target readership of this account is international. While the translation from French is true to fact the style of writing in translation is sometimes more simplistic. The reason for this is to allow greater understanding of complex issues for those readers who don't speak English as a first language. Ginge (translator)

(You can download the full Ebook (free) in Fr, Jp, Th, and En)

KINDNESS

Abstract: True kindness is not a production of our willing

"... willingness is only good for servile tasks: it assures the correct practise of natural virtues which are pre-requisites for work of grace such as the ploughman's labour at seedtime. But the divine comes from somewhere else..." (Gustave Thibon)

The power of kindness is immense and frightening. A few words or an affectionate gesture can be all it takes to make someone's last moments come sooner than expected. Kindness sometimes produces an essence that is able to kill.

There are those patients who have entered their final agony, yet fight on. They will refuse to die, despite cold limbs and gasping breath. But then, a few tender words, a gentle hand placed on the forehead, and he can abandon the sack of skin and bones that he had hence refused to release. A young man, who for weeks had been postponing his departure, was attended by his mother. She observed the death about her attentively. Every time she thought a patient was entering the final stages she would come and lead me by the hand to them. She believed my kindness could help people to die more easily. I believed it too. Simply :

- Calm yourself, don't fight it. You are not alone. Let's go there.

...And he left

***

Kindness requires an association of rare coincidences in order to reach the borders of power; to become more than a beautiful quality of the soul, without authority. We barely have a grip on those coincidences. Few receive them in their destiny. So we content ourselves by being as kind as the next man. An inoffensive kindness we might show to an old woman, a blind baker, a depressed widower or a crying child.

We don't ask for miracles, because we believe that miracles are reserved for saints. But I can confirm to you that from the darkness of my ward, it is not merit or virtue that gives kindness her full power. I have seen some miracles, even produced some.

Context alone is not sufficient for creating kindness. A physical ability is required which is not connected with education nor cleverness or work. Looks, words and gestures are the principal tools for making kindness. But the alchemy for creating kindness is so complex, so subtle, that is not in our mental capability to create it.

It is a thousand small muscular contractions perfectly co-ordinated through space and time which lends our eyes the expression of ineffable sweetness. Yes, here the face becomes a frame that exalts, even creates the stunning value of two eyes which can consume suffering flesh and transfigure it…

In the same way, it is the thousands of little nuances in the muscular contractions which perfectly co-ordinate in space and time to allow the throat and mouth to wrap every word with a stamp of ineffable tenderness. The stamp dilates the sense of the word and allows kindness to open its great wings into the space of the sound. This stamp becomes for the word what perfume is to air. In the bottle perfume has but a chemical formula. The moment it leaves, the perfume suddenly inflates itself, exists, is an enchantress.

In the same way, thousands of little nuances perfectly subordinating one another in the contractions of the hand muscles (slowness, pressure, movement...) give the gestures an emotional value that transcend the acts they are meant to achieve.

Kindness can then literally flow from the hands, regardless of the act. To mop sweat, to moisten the mouth, to wipe away vomit, to inject, or merely to touch and be touched.

 

It is more complex still.

Context and physical aptitude are not enough. These are just the ‘sine qua non' conditions. It is also necessary that the desire of kindness is of a certain nature and once again we have little control of that. I myself have sometimes tried miserably to produce kindness with the simple moral desire to be so.

The product is an ersatz kindness which rarely dupes the dying. Nothing happens. Fake charity, fake kindness. Although it is almost systematically the fruit of a laudable effort, it is restored to the rank of a swindle, that would be realised by the dying. Sometimes it manifests itself in a paradoxical anger towards the benefactor. More often, the dying contents himself by producing a compassionate smile (again a paradox!), because he also knows that to try to be kind by duty is a virtue.

*

From where does pure desire and true compassion come, that gives kindness its full power? I don't know. The source seems to be located in me, but is not me. Neither ‘he' nor ‘I' seem to be sufficient to create such kindness; there is another variable not situated in either of us.

The sort of kindness that permits miracles springs from a desire that is unconditional. The suffering person need not to be beautiful, a child, of a certain sex, polite, clean, or even agreeable. This kindness is not the love we give to a partner, a child, a mother…

- His ingratitude, his cruelty, his bad smell or ugliness don't matter. They don't matter “...because he was him, because I was me!... (Montaigne –Essais)”

Yes, love is beautiful, but it is reserved only for the one who is… my partner, a child or my mother. Love is easier than kindness because it is instinctive more than generous… But love, outside its realm is nothing but a word !

Ersatz love, ersatz kindness, powerless ersatz only confounds the suffering patient. The one who gives it needs to prey upon those suffering, a fact that he hides in his subconscious. He gives all his soul for that cannibal enjoyment. He is oblivious to the pain he causes, because he is so wrapped up in gestures. It is not the work of miracles, only immaturity, or even regression.

*

I have spent hours analysing the nature of the desire that drives kindness. It poses questions of what we generally know as love. Western cultures abounds with mirages about love; mirages for which children and the insane pay the greatest price. I have progressively demystified some of these mirages. (The children get revenge at least when they become teenagers and return their frustration of true kindness to us . But the mad, who are silenced and shut in, ‘for their protection', oppress us.)

I realised that what I had understood as kindness was very close to what some philosophers and theologians today call ‘agape'…

Context, physical aptitude, desire. It is clear enough. I see that I am no longer responsible for ‘my' kindness than I am the colour of my eyes. It is out of my control. All I might be able to do is refuse to let it germinate. However, this kindness does emanate from me. It comes from one place to go to another, its existence in my body is transient. I am the duct.

The gods are avaricious; like me they maybe afraid of so much power in our dirty hands…

 

Translator: Ginge

Note on the English Translation: The target readership of this account is international. While the translation from French is true to fact the style of writing in translation is sometimes more simplistic. The reason for this is to allow greater understanding of complex issues for those readers who don't speak English as a first language.

(You can also download the full book in Fr, Jp, Th, and En )

 

 

 

)))))))))))))BILINGUAL(((((((((((((((

 

 

 

 

 

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Note on the English Translation: The target readership of this account is international. While the translation from French is true to fact the style of writing in translation is sometimes more simplistic. The reason for this is to allow greater understanding of complex issues for those readers who don't speak English as a first language. Ginge (translator)

KINDNESS - LA GENTILESSE

Résumé: La gentillesse ne naît pas de notre bonne volonté

Abstract: True kindness is not a production of our willing.

 

" ...La volonté n'est bonne qu'aux tâches serviles: elle assure l'exercice correct des vertus naturelles qui sont prérequises au travail de la Grâce comme l'effort du laboureur aux semailles. Mais le divin vient d'ailleurs..." (Gustave Thibon)

"... willingness is only good for servile tasks: it assures the correct practise of natural virtues which are pre-requisites for work of grace such as the ploughman's labour at seedtime. But the divine comes from somewhere else..." (Gustave Thibon)

J'étais presque inquiet des pouvoirs de la gentillesse. Quelques mots, deux mains qui s'empaument, son corps un peu plus proche du mien que ce que recommande le protocole et cela suffit parfois à susciter le grand saut qu'on attendait pour plus tard. Poussée dans ses plus obscurs retranchements, la gentillesse produit des fluides capables de tuer.

The power of kindness is immense and frightening. A few words or an affectionate gesture can be all it takes to make someone's last moments come sooner than expected. Kindness sometimes produces an essence that is able to kill.

Même lorsque le malade est entré en agonie, a perdu connaissance… que, depuis quelques heures, il n'en finit pas de refuser l'échéance, qu'il a les membres froids et, depuis longtemps déjà, la respiration de la carpe hors de l'eau, même alors, il m'est apparu que des mots ciblés, une manière de mettre ma main à son front l'aident à abandonner le paquet d'os et de peau qu'il refuse de lâcher.

There are those patients who have entered their final agony, yet fight on. They will refuse to die, despite cold limbs and gasping breath. But then, a few tender words, a gentle hand placed on the forehead, and he can abandon the sack of skin and bones that he had hence refused to release.

Une mère qui assiste depuis quelques semaines son fils qui n'arrête pas de ne pas mourir observe attentivement les autres mourants de la salle. Elle vient me prendre par la main chaque fois qu'elle pense qu'un malade lit son dernier chapitre… parce qu'elle pense que ma gentillesse peut produire de ces fluides apaisants qui aident à mourir plus facilement. J'y ai cru aussi. Cette femme avait certainement raison.

- Calme ton corps. Cesse de te battre. Tu n'es pas seul. Allons-y…

…Et il partait

A young man, who for weeks had been postponing his departure, was attended by his mother. She observed the death about her attentively. Every time she thought a patient was entering the final stages she would come and lead me by the hand to them. She believed my kindness could help people to die more easily. I believed it too. Simply :

- Calm yourself, don't fight it. You are not alone. Let's go there.

...And he left

***

Pour atteindre les frontières du pouvoir et devenir plus qu'une belle qualité d'âme sans autorité, la gentillesse exige une association de rares coïncidences. Sur ces coïncidences, nous n'avons quasi pas prise. Peu les reçoivent du destin. On se contente donc d'être gentils «comme tout le monde » ; gentils avec une vieille, le boulanger aveugle, un veuf dépressif, un enfant qui pleure...

Kindness requires an association of rare coincidences in order to reach the borders of power; to become more than a beautiful quality of the soul, without authority. We barely have a grip on those coincidences. Few receive them in their destiny. So we content ourselves by being as kind as the next man. An inoffensive kindness we might show to an old woman, a blind baker, a depressed widower or a crying child.

On n'ose demander le miracle parce que le contexte est trop naturel, parce qu'on croit le miracle réservé aux saints. Et pourtant, je vous l'affirme du fond de mon mouroir, il n'y a pas de mérite ni de vertu conquise qui donne à la gentillesse son plein pouvoir. J'ai vu des miracles et j'en ai produit parfois.

We don't ask for miracles, because we believe that miracles are reserved for saints. But I can confirm to you that from the darkness of my ward, it is not merit or virtue that gives kindness her full power. I have seen some miracles, even produced some.

Pour que la gentillesse puisse agir pleinement, le contexte ne suffit pas. Il faut aussi une aptitude physique qui ne relève ni d'une éducation, ni d'une réflexion, ni d'un travail. Pour s'incarner, la gentillesse utilise surtout le regard, des mots et des gestes. Mais l'alchimie de toute cette matérialité de la gentillesse est tellement complexe et subtile qu'il n'est plus mentalement en notre pouvoir de l'ordonner.

Context alone is not sufficient for creating kindness. A physical ability is required which is not connected with education nor cleverness or work. Looks, words and gestures are the principal tools for making kindness. But the alchemy for creating kindness is so complex, so subtle, that is not in our mental capability to create it.

Ce sont des milliers de petites contractions musculaires coordonnées les unes aux autres qui vont faire qu'un visage offre un regard chargé d'une douceur ineffable… Oui, voilà que le visage devient un écrin qui exalte, crée même la valeur étourdissante de deux pupilles qui boivent la chair souffrante et la transfigurent…

It is a thousand small muscular contractions perfectly co-ordinated through space and time which lends our eyes the expression of ineffable sweetness. Yes, here the face becomes a frame that exalts, even creates the stunning value of two eyes which can consume suffering flesh and transfigure it…

De même, des milliers d'infimes nuances dans les contractions musculaires parfaitement coordonnées dans l'espace et le temps donnent à la gorge et à la bouche d'emballer chaque mot prononcé dans un timbre de voix chargé d'une tendresse ineffable. Le timbre dilate le sens du mot et permet à la gentillesse d'ouvrir ses grandes ailes dans l'espace du son… Le timbre devient pour le mot ce que le parfum est à l'air. Dans son flacon, le parfum n'a de sens que sa formule chimique. Dès qu'il en sort, l'espace insignifiant existe soudain et se gonfle de propriétés enchanteresses.

In the same way, it is the thousands of little nuances in the muscular contractions which perfectly co-ordinate in space and time to allow the throat and mouth to wrap every word with a stamp of ineffable tenderness. The stamp dilates the sense of the word and allows kindness to open its great wings into the space of the sound. This stamp becomes for the word what perfume is to air. In the bottle perfume has but a chemical formula. The moment it leaves, the perfume suddenly inflates itself, exists, is an enchantress.

De même enfin, des milliers d'infimes nuances parfaitement subordonnées les unes aux autres dans les contractions des muscles des mains (lenteurs, pressions, évitements...) donnent aux gestes une valeur affective transcendant totalement la qualité technique des actes posés…

In the same way, thousands of little nuances perfectly subordinating one another in the contractions of the hand muscles (slowness, pressure, movement...) give the gestures an emotional value that transcend the acts they are meant to achieve.

La gentillesse peut alors littéralement couler des mains. Peu importe alors le but premier du geste : éponger les sueurs de la douleur, humidifier la bouche trop sèche, effacer un vomi, toucher simplement ou se laisser toucher ...ou injecter un produit létal.

Kindness can then literally flow from the hands, regardless of the act. To mop sweat, to moisten the mouth, to wipe away vomit, to inject, or merely to touch and be touched.

*

C'est plus complexe encore. Un contexte excellent et une aptitude physique ne suffisent pas. Ce ne sont que des conditions sine qua non. Il faut aussi que le désir de gentillesse soit d'une certaine nature et sur ce point aussi, hélas, la volonté a peu de prise. .

It is more complex still. Context and physical aptitude are not enough. These are just the ‘sine qua non' conditions. It is also necessary that the desire of kindness is of a certain nature and once again we have little control of that.

J'ai souffert moi-même la triste expérience de ce que le simple désir moral d'être gentil ne produit qu'un ersatz de gentillesse dont le mourant n'est pas dupe (ou rarement). Rien ne passe, rien ne se passe. Le grand théâtre de la fausse charité. La gentillesse feinte ment mal. Alors qu'elle est quasi systématiquement le fruit d'un effort louable, elle n'en est pas moins, par le mourant qui s'en rendrait compte, ravalée au rang de supercherie

I myself have sometimes tried miserably to produce kindness with the simple moral desire to be so. The product is an ersatz kindness which rarely dupes the dying. Nothing happens. Fake charity, fake kindness. Although it is almost systematically the fruit of a laudable effort, it is restored to the rank of a swindle, that would be realised by the dying.

Parfois d'ailleurs, cela suscite en lui une espèce de colère paradoxale envers son bienfaiteur. Plus souvent, le mourant se contente de produire un sourire compatissant (autre paradoxe !), parce qu'il sait que c'est aussi une vertu que de se faire «bienfaiteur » par devoir.

Sometimes it manifests itself in a paradoxical anger towards the benefactor. More often, the dying contents himself by producing a compassionate smile (again a paradox!), because he also knows that to try to be kind by duty is a virtue.

D'où vient le désir pur, la vraie compassion qui donne à la gentillesse son plein pouvoir? Je ne sais pas. D'une source qui semble bien se situer quelque part en moi, mais n'est pas moi. Ni mon «je» ni son «je» ne semblent suffire pour les faire naître ; une autre variable située hors de nous deux semble avoir son mot à dire.

From where does pure desire and true compassion come, that gives kindness its full power? I don't know. The source seems to be located in me, but is not me. Neither ‘he' nor ‘I' seem to be sufficient to create such kindness; there is another variable not situated in either of us.

La gentillesse qui autorise le miracle et transforme le monde naît d'un désir qui ne pose aucune condition, ni celle d'être enfant, ni d'être beau ou d'un certain sexe, ni d'être poli, propre ou simplement aimable…

The sort of kindness that permits miracles springs from a desire that is unconditional. The suffering person need not to be beautiful, a child, of a certain sex, polite, clean, or even agreeable.

La gentillesse n'est pas cet amour que l'on donne à un partenaire, un enfant, une mère…

- Je n'ai cure de son ingratitude, de sa cruauté, de sa mauvaise odeur, «...parce que c'était lui, parce que c'était moi... (Montaigne –Essais)».

Oui, l'amour est beau …mais lui est strictement réservé à mon partenaire, à l'enfant, à ma mère… Beaucoup plus facile cet amour parce qu'il est plus instinctif que généreux… Mais il n'est qu'un mot dès qu'il quitte son petit royaume

This kindness is not the love we give to a partner, a child, a mother…

-  His ingratitude, his cruelty, his bad smell or ugliness don't matter. They don't matter “...because he was him, because I was me...! (Montaigne –Essais)

Yes, love is beautiful, but it is reserved only for the one who is… my partner, a child or my mother. Love is easier than kindness because it is instinctive more than generous… But love, outside its realm is nothing but a word !

Ersatz de gentillesse, rien de plus qu' ersatz sans pouvoir chez celui qui confond la personne souffrante et ce besoin d'une proie en pleur qu'il cache au fond de lui. Il se donne de tout son cœur et le front haut à cette jouissance cannibale. Il ne sait pas les nouvelles plaies qu'il ouvre tant il jouit et s'admire en ce geste. Pas de miracles par là, mais beaucoup d'immaturité, voire de régression.

Ersatz love, ersatz kindness, powerless ersatz only confounds the suffering patient. The one who gives it needs to prey upon those suffering, a fact that he hides in his subconscious. He gives all his soul for that cannibal enjoyment. He is oblivious to the pain he causes, because he is so wrapped up in gestures. It is not the work of miracles, only immaturity, or even regression.

J'ai passé des heures à démonter la nature du désir qui y conduit. J'en suis vite arrivé à la question de ce que nous intitulons très trop facilement l'amour.

I have spent hours analysing the nature of the desire that drives kindness. It poses questions of what we generally know as love. Western cultures abounds with mirages about love; mirages for which children and the insane pay the greatest price.

Je démystifiais progressivement certains trompe-l'œil dont nos cultures se gavent et dont les enfants et les fous surtout font les frais (Les enfants, dès qu'ils deviennent adolescents, prennent leur revanche et nous rendent leur frustrations de vrai gentillesse… Mais ces fous qu'on enferme «pour leur bien»: le silence… le silence… qui nous accable…). Je devais remarquer surtout que ce que j'appelais, moi, la gentillesse était proche de ce que quelques philosophes et théologiens d'aujourd'hui appellent: «Agapè»…

I have progressively demystified some of these mirages. (The children get revenge at least when they become teenagers and return their frustration of true kindness to us . But the mad, who are silenced and shut in, ‘for their protection', oppress us.) I realised that what I had understood as kindness was very close to what some philosophers and theologians today call ‘Agape'…

***

Contexte, aptitude physique, désir… C'est clair, c'est limpide: au bout du compte, je ne suis pas plus responsable de «ma» gentillesse que je ne le suis par exemple de la couleur de mes yeux. Tout cela m'échappe. Tout au plus puis-je refuser qu'elle germe.

Context, physical aptitude, desire. It is clear enough. I see that I am no longer responsible for ‘my' kindness than I am the colour of my eyes. It is out of my control. All I might be able to do is refuse to let it germinate.

C'est pourtant bien moi qui produis cette gentillesse. Elle vient d'un ailleurs et va vers un autre, en passant nécessairement par mon corps. «Je» n'est qu'un conduit entre cet «ailleurs» et l'autre.

However, this kindness does emanate from me. It comes from one place to go to another, its existence in my body is transient. I am the duct.

Les dieux sont avares; ils ont peut-être peur, comme moi, de tant de pouvoir en nos mains sales…

The gods are avaricious; like me they maybe afraid of so much power in our dirty hands…

 

 

(Extrait de "Chroniques de mouroir" à partir d'une expérience de mouroir)

(Extract from "Chronicle of a Thai Hospice" - experience in an Hospice)

 

 

 

Pour mieux entendre la différence entre les approches chrétiennes et bouddhistes de la gentillesse, voir aussi: Compassion chrétienne et compassion bouddhiste

 

About difference between compassion in Christianity and compassion in Buddhism see: Christian and Buddhist compassion