Article

Shyness.the best friend of HIV!

 

Nearly one in three (28,3 %) "active" homosexuals in Bangkok are HIV positive. I believe it is not really any better in Chiangmai. There are very serious rumours about the rate of infection among Thai soldiers. HIV has also become a grave concern among the teenage demographic; they are officially recognized as a new increasingly high risk group (but HIV incidence among these groups is kept undisclosed which is a quite alarming sign .isn't?). If nothing changes, soon the scale of this problem will rival that in Africa!

What's wrong in Thailand?

 

As a medical doctor, I personally accompanied around 3000 AIDS patients to the final breath in a strange monastery totally dedicated to their care. While I no longer work there I feel two paradoxes I came across during my time there merit mention!

First paradox: it was not because of ignorance that my dying patients did not protect themselves! Almost all of them knew very well the danger of HIV infection and were fully aware of how to protect themselves BEFORE they were contaminated!

Second paradox: nearly all of my dying patients had the opportunity to protect themselves! Yes, to say it very much to the point: the condom remained well wrapped in my patients' pocket when the AIDS virus was shared. At the very worst, condoms were available and affordable at any one of the nearby "7-Eleven".

Being fully aware of the danger of AIDS disease and having the ability to protect themselves, why did these people keep the condom wrapped in its pack? Why? Why?

Don't punish your brain trying to find an answer! They did not use condoms because they were too drunk, because they were too shy, because they were haunted by the inexpressible fear of impotence, because their lack of mental strength to take some extra time to go and buy them. and so many other "grass rooted" causes. (But you must always analyse what you hear. Some recalcitrant males will say for instance: "I have no feeling with condoms!". Don't believe them!!! Such hysterical exaggeration definitely proves that they had other problems when wearing a condom and that they are trying to hide it! One day we will speak about those particular cheaters.)

 

What's about you now?

I heard that you did not protect yourself yesterday. Why, just why? Please explain this to me.

Ah.You were too shy!

OK ! Focusing on this topic today. (Sorry for the other guys in my audience who are not shy. if you accepted unsafe practices because your partner becomes impotent when wearing condom or because ignorance or anything else, you will have to wait for the next editions of HIP magazine).

In my point of view, shyness is the main cause of HIV contamination in Thailand, and the most difficult to overcome.

 

"I am too shy to buy a condom."

This is really a common problem... I was like you. Fortunately, after a few simple exercises, such shyness disappeared. Now it is the casher who blushes when she sees me because she is afraid that I will ask her again for advice.

Go on! Be brave! Even try to buy lubricant at the same time. If you do it just five times you will not be shy anymore!

For the beginners there are a few tips which can help. In a supermarket for instance, you can mix the condom box with other items you have to buy and try to choose a very young lady-cashier. You will discover that she clearly prefers not to pay attention to the nature of such specific items because she is shy also...

If that is still too difficult for you, ask your partner or to a close friend to go to buy them with you a few times... (When we are two, we are braver!)

You can also go to a pharmacy but you must choose an official drugstore which is managed by a true graduated pharmacist because he has learned how to deal with such situations. Give him a paper on which you wrote that you want a box of three normal condom of middle size (eventually add that you are shy). Prepare your money (up too 50 baths), he will arrange everything in the most discreet manner and never even look in your face!

If even that is too much for you, you can cheat a little bit and go for instance to "Carrefour" of Chiangmai, floor 2, in men toilets room, you will find there an automatic condom distributor. You can also ask to a close friend to buy them for you.

 

Attention !!! He drinks alcohol!

Many, many Thais have become HIV infected when they were drunk!

Alcohol is certainly useful to fight shyness, I cannot deny that. The problem with men (and even more and more with women nowadays) is that they often drink too much! After only three glasses of beer, they become a little stupid, it being a challenge just to wear a condom correctly. (To wear a condom correctly is an art! We will have to speak about this later!). Sometimes they even forget to wear it! And worst of all they can be so uninhibited that he totally misevaluates how to respect you and will accept deathly risk for both of you.

When your potential partner just starts to drink, you should make it very clear to him that you prefer a shy partner to a fake hero. Frankly, if he drinks more than one glass of beer, you should avoid any sexual relations. Yes, only one glass! It is not only because safety concern but also because with more than one glass he becomes unable to drive really nice sexual intercourse!

 

You are married and you're to shy to ask to your husband to wear a condom?

In Thailand, this is the cause of the death of hundreds of thousands of faithful women! If you simply feel that your partner had a extramarital affair, you MUST find the way!

You have kids? Just imagine what your HIV contamination means for them and you will suddenly find new energy to speak about this with your husband. Go on, be brave!

Try first to make your husband to tell you the truth.

 

Be clever! It is extremely difficult for him to confess such an affair. The classic mistake of the Thai wife is to say something like; "If you go with another woman, I will kill you!" or "If you deceive me I leave you directly" or "The only thing I will never accept is adultery"... Then, of course, he will never tell you the truth and you will measure later your strategic mistake by looking to your future orphans.

It would be more clever to make him feel that you will love him even more than ever if he is such kind of rare and admirable "true male" able to confess some sporadic weakness.

If it is totally impossible to make him tell the truth, simply ask him to wear a condom because your doctor ordered it in order to avoid cancer or something like that. He will possibly directly accept your request because, in fact, he doesn't want you to get AIDS! The problem is that he is scared of your reaction or your pain when you find out about his extramarital affair (a husband often cannot imagine that his wife knows already, by special "female feelings", that he had something with someone else.)

If that strategy is still not working. well , just refuse to have sex with him (or accept only safe sex practices). and speak about your fear publicly. You can also say you are HIV positive: that is more difficult but such stupid or cowardly man will directly run away.

In the era of AIDS, we should seek to make it possible for any wife to impose the use of condoms without creating a conjugal drama!

 

You are too shy to ask you new partner to wear a condom?

 

Start to speak about your shyness before you become too close with him... Introduce the subject as soon as possible, even at the early stage of your relationship and present your shyness and AIDS as your two obsessions... SPEAK ABOUT CONDOMS NOT ONLY ONCE BUT MANY TIMES before a possible night meeting... You should use ANY pretext to speak about condoms: speak about your close friend who died from AIDS, speak about your neighbour who is dying and about your stupid friend who refuse both to use condoms or take a HIV test. Show that you always have a condom with you (to show it later, when the relation becomes closer, can be ambiguous since it can be also a way to say that you are ready for sexual involvement. I know that a shy woman is usually never ready to express that so clearly. So you should show the condom in your wallet before such ambiguity can come or express explicitly that you do not show him your condom to tell him that you are ready for sex !) Speak! Show! Speak! Your potential partner should even laugh about your obsession with condoms! In such conditions, at the last minute, at least the subject will not be unspeakable if he does not wear it spontaneously.

If you never find the way to speak about condoms before being in the bedroom, you MUST be sure that you will not take off your clothes before having put the condom on the bed. You do not have to speak but that is the end of the line so you MUST observe. He will understand and usually accept to wear it. If not, leave the room, he is not a true man.

Too shy because no sexual experience. Too shy because you scare women. Too shy because you love him too much and you scare he will leave you.

All that, we will analyse it at another time.but don't forget that even if you had unprotected relations, your are possibly not yet infected and it make sense to protect yourself starting .today!!!

 

(Publish first time in magazine "HIP" (Thailand)